Prison

Prison

Saturday, 20 September 2014

Chris Grayling’s Pants

Only a brief post today because I’ve been travelling, but I just wanted to share a quick story with readers of this blog. I happened to meet another ex-con earlier today and he told me what I thought was a brilliant anecdote.

Buried under a pile of pants?
Following on from the recent campaign led by the Howard League for Penal Reform to encourage supporters to send donated books intended for prison libraries directly to Chris Grayling, the Secretary of State, as a protest against the ban on families and friends sending in books and clean underwear to prisoners, this bloke – who is now off his licence – decided to go one better and send Mr G a pair of men’s pants. He assured me that these keks were brand new, rather than second hand.

The donated underwear in question was accompanied by a formal letter requesting that the Secretary of State respond to inform the donor to which prison the pants were being allocated. As yet, he hasn’t had a reply (surprise, surprise!). However, he does intend to keep chasing the issue up. I really appreciated this lad’s sense of humour.

New IEP policy is complete pants
Given that supporters of the Howard League campaign who have previously sent books haven’t had any responses to date on the fate of the volumes they have posted, I’d be willing to bet that these freebie pants have ended up in some low ranking bureaucrat’s desk bin (or perhaps even his personal knicker drawer at home). However, if I find out more, I’ll be sure to keep you all updated. 

Maybe we should consider launching a new national campaign called ‘Chris Grayling’s Pants’. The thought of the office of the Secretary of State for (In)Justice’s office suddenly being inundated with hundreds of pair of boxers, trunks, briefs, slips etc would just be too good to be true. Anyone out there up for the challenge of organising this?

17 comments:

  1. What a great idea!

    I thought that maybe sending him parcels of male bovine excrement would give him a hint. I fear that the nation couldn't send enough to get close to the amount that falls out of his mouth each time he speaks.

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    1. Thanks for your comments. Sadly, I fear that sending anything more appropriate, as you suggest would fall foul (as it were) of the Post Office Act of 1908, section 61.1: "A person shall not place or attempt to place in or against any post office letter box any fire, any match, any light, any explosive substance, any dangerous substance, any filth, any noxious or deleterious substance, or any fluid, and shall not commit a nuisance in or against any post office letter box, and shall not do or attempt to do anything likely to injure the box, appurtenances, or contents."

      The maximum penalty, apparently is a £10 fine or 12 months of hard labour. I suspect that there must be some new bit of legislation to update this, but I haven't yet found it!

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  2. Clearly Mr Grayling should not be put into any letter box,

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    1. I only wish someone would put him back in his box and send him somewhere far, far away. Patagonia is nice at this time of year...

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  3. http://www.cafepress.co.uk/+dinosaur+underwear-panties

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    1. http://www.inktastic.com/details.php?design=Mastodon-Dinosaur.89848&product=Thongs.77

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    2. Thanks for both sets of links. They are great. I wish we would send the Lord High Executioner of Rehabilitation some of those Tyrannosaurus Rex Boxer Shorts. I'm sure they would be a comfort now the High Court have given Mr G's Legal Aid 'reforms' a damn good kicking!

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  4. I suppose it would be illegal, as well as technically difficult, to send pants that are on fire?

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    1. haha liar liar pants on fire!

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    2. I think you may be right! It seems to me that Mr Grayling subscribes to Dr Goebbel's theory on telling whoppers: “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." Hopefully most people are now so cynical about anything politicians say that this no longer has quite the power that it did in the past. I hope!

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  5. Can u post on how you spent your days inside ie peer mentor how much time in cell etc

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    1. Thanks for the suggestion. I will definitely do that. I've been planning to do a specific post on being an Insider (since that is also the name of this blog), so it's now pretty close to the top of my to do list. Cheers!

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  6. Would you ever consider working as a Counsellor within the Prison Service?

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    1. Thanks for your question. I would love to, especially as I have a professional counselling qualification, but I think there would be a lot of potential problems owing to my criminal record. I'm still going through the appeals process, so if my conviction eventually does get quashed, then I might see what my options are... either that or a trainee prison governor, maybe. That would upset Mr Grayling!

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  7. Ive heard about Police Officers squeezing a squeaky rubber chicken when they charge a suspect. The rubber chicken is known as the "cock of justice", which is a suitable name for Chris Grayling!

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    1. Cock = Village Idiot

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    2. Thanks for your comment. I've not heard that story before, but nothing would surprise me!

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